Monday, December 10, 2007

nothing has changed

she doesn't even TRY anymore!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


As you can tell my blog is going downhill.

Like a sled.

So here is a piece on eskimos as narrated and interpreted by patrick jeremy nissim.

here is the eskimo. so noble and snuggly.

there are also eskimo doggies. who too are noble and snuggly, like their more culturally significant masters.

when an eskimo is angered, they often lure their animal friends to throw spears and shit. as shown here in the academic illustration:

here is a close look at my 4th grade social studies diorama

as you can see, Nanuk the eskimo is telling a funny joke to his doggies right before the grim reaper, standing behind him, kills his eskimo ass

here is an eskimo kiss performed by real eskimos of the "lez" tribe!

contrary to poopular belief (lol!) bobby seale was not an eskimo, nor a seal. he was a black panther.

a very black panther.


eskimos even believe in da bebeh jeezus. here is an image of mary and joseph with jesus as a baby on a sled (what a FUCKING surprise lol!!!!). there is a penguin there to deliver the baby and a fish to flap on the baby and a lion to growl at the baby. eskimos sure know how to have a good time!!!!

well that about concludes eskimos in their entirety. as for crediting who i stole the pictures from, that is for fucking pussies.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

alicia keys in a fat suit


Sunday, September 30, 2007

You Want That New Radiohead CD?

get it - free

on the radiohead website, you can preorder the digital/download version of their new release in rainbows right now. the price? it's up to you. see for yourself

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I'm Peeling Like An Onion

hello everyone i know i haven't written in like 3 weeks but whatever we're all grown ups we can wait.

i know EVERYONE has been asking me
"hey how did you get into film school?"
and i say well i sent them this movie. IT'S CALLED SLEEPOVER

here is some light graffiti

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


i miss you and i can't wait to see you.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

oh my god, pleaaaase...

someone go to and buy a fucking t-shirt.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

it's the mutha fuckin remix

i was given the challenge of remixing nine inch nails. so i did.

here is the original.

here is the remix.

the song is called "god given".

thank you.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

an essay from the youth of america

"koalas aren't hard they some little bitches."

a closer look into an 8th grader's perspective on koalas and extinction.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

tonight i celebrate...

(on july 17th, 1821, spain officially turned florida to the united states)


Monday, July 16, 2007

Thursday, July 12, 2007

because you forgot all the french you learned from those "muzzy" videos

now i know we're supposed to hate france and all that because we're america, but i just can't, goddamnit.

they gave us michel gondry

they have terribly attractive news anchors (her name is melissa theuriau and yes i am married to her)

but besides all of that, they also give us great music:

hocus pocus - j'attends
hocus pocus - j'attends (remix)

mathieu boogaerts - bon bon

hugo - fouille toi

dick annegarn - coutances

Monday, July 9, 2007

back by popular demand...

a little bit of poison oak, a little bit of "swim time", and a little bit of storytelling.
special guest: leslie patten
episode two - "wyoming"

you might say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one

as many of you probably don't know, i have recently been trying to scrap together the necessary elements i need to start production on my ambitious j dilla documentary project. besides the inherent difficulty of beginning any particular project, there is also the overwhelming difficulty of having to tackle the costs of music and video licensing. here is the email received from stones throw records about my project inquiry:

JULY 5, 2007


Thanks for the reaching out. I can tell your passionate about what you’re doing.

There’s a couple parties interesting in a similar movie but thus far nothing has happened. Once you start to think about all the complications involving rights to video and music, and access to video (dilla was not often on camera) you can imagine what a difficult project it shapes up to be. Add to this the fact that dilla’s estate is still working to get it’s business in order – very complicated behind the scenes.

We can’t offer help to your project, especially based on a single email, but keep us updated.

Thank you

Jeff Jank

although the email was disheartening to an eager and naive college student, it just became clear that this was something i was going to have to work for. i'm trying to raise a rediculous amount of money somehow and these are the only ideas i've come up with so far:

- planning large themed events in san rafael
- investing (...)
- planning a concert
- t-shirts??

so clearly none of those are very good (but i might plan an event, because that sounds so awesome).

if you have any ideas, let me know.

for information on my investment, i give you these:


J Dilla - So Far To Go (feat. D'Angelo and Common)
J Dilla - Crushin (Yeeaaah)
Common - The Light (produced by J Dilla)

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

advertisements in europe

are way too clever...

WARNING: keep the volume at an "intimate" level

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

florida state of mind

everything is officially up and running over here at college, so "cowboys & indians" is back in business.

first and foremost, i'd like to bring the following items to your attention:

1. this court case is absolutely rediculous
(support the chungs or read more about their case here)
2. artist dan witz is a genius
3. the new p.t. anderson film, "there will be blood", has a brief trailer available here
4. in nairobi, the capital city of kenya, a group of 25 impoverished prostitutes appear to have a natural immunity to the HIV virus


so i'm all moved in and am hopefully going to begin working on the next episode of "wyoming".


The Blow - Parenthesis (Rory Phillips Remix

A Tribe Called Quest - The Jam (Consequence Remix)

Wilco - Please Be Patient With Me


Saturday, June 23, 2007


What up kids, it's Patrick Nissim straight out of Tallahassee, Florida.

Just wanted to update to say a few things...
- The music/video updates are currently on hold as I am having difficulty hooking up to both my server and iChat
- College is fly
- I met a cuban kid at a houka bar. His name is George.
- It is hot as a mother fucking bitch

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

sesamia street: a glimpse into psychadelic kids t.v.

the 70s was truly the "golden era" of children's television.

1. Lidsville

2. The Banana Splits Show

3. The Bugaloos

[commercial break]

4. Sigmund and the Sea Monsters

5. Wonderbug

6. HR Pufnstuf

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

speech therapy

in case you missed the spectacular - here's my speech.

or if you want higher quality

and i know don't usually post personal video, but i guess i'm bringing it back like that

taking off sincerely,


Sunday, May 20, 2007

i'll make yall eat "top ramen", while i eat shrimp

now, many of my readers are 80's babies who probably skipped over "Yo! MTV Raps" in the 90's to catch "Hey Dude!" on nickelodeon.

so, tonight I offer you some of the grimiest, raw rap videos that you probably never saw.

"Tried By 12" - East Flatbush Project

"Bonita Applebum" - A Tribe Called Quest

"Straight Outta Compton" - N.W.A.

"Jump" - Kriss Kross

"Parents Just Don't Understand" - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

"Fight For Your Right" - Beastie Boys

"Follow the Leader" - Erik B. & Rakim

"360 Degrees" - Grand Puba

"They Reminisce Over You (TROY)" - Pete Rock & CL Smooth

Monday, May 14, 2007

when i come back, i will be a florida state seminole

just remember: everywhere you go, indians have been.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

don't call it a comeback

i've been here for years

Friday, May 11, 2007

Monday, May 7, 2007

sherlock holmes, eat your heart out

If you think about it, a lot people are looking for a lot of things...

some people are looking for true love

and some people are just searchin for some pussy

just about everyone i know is looking for the truth

and you'd be suprised who is looking to hold you right now

plus you gotta figure we're all looking for a journey to anywhere

but whatever you're looking for - you can probably find it in hip hop. hooray.

watergate: mario & luigi style

You know you crave it.

Friday, May 4, 2007

the golden touch

and that's on citas, son.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Wyoming MiniSeries #1

So as you may or may not have known, this summer my friends and I decided to go on a road trip to Wyoming to stay at Michael Patten's new cabin! Well, lucky for you, I brought my fucking camera. Here is a 3 part (most likely) series of our trip and what happened. The segments are about 6 minutes long and are edited to be somewhat entertaining.

enjoy episode one

few more notes:

1) Georgetown is the team I chose to win the NCAA tournament, so if your team is already out...please send your good vibes over to them. Thank you. My bank account appreciates it.

2) I recently attended a youth film exhibition sponsored by Comcast Cable and I was interviewed. The program is allegedly going to be available on OnDemand, so be sure to catch me bullshit a Q&A and mouth the words "Kill Me" at the end! Fantastic.

3) I am Holden Caulfield.

4) If I could be friends with anyone in the NBA, it would be Gilbert Arenas (note the "Gilbertology" segment)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

i swear i haven't written anything personal in about a month...

Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 years to learn:

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

15. Your true friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

i know we haven't spoken in a while...

but i know you miss me.
(im waiting to hear back from colleges before I can put my mind to a blog, until then enjoy this rare MadTV piece that actually makes me laugh)

Thursday, March 8, 2007

College: The Film School Series (#1/3)


Florida State is one of the three (film) schools I have looked at, visited, and applied to. Located in Tallahassee, FL (the state's capitol), the school is well known for its sports teams, frat parties, and good weather (as long as you aren't there in the summer). However, within this school populated with 20,000+ students, there is a very small group of kids (about 110) who are enrolled in a special program. These selected artists are a part of "The Film School", one of the most selective film schools in the world. With a freshman enrollment quota of 30 film students, the field is quickly and thoroughly cut down by the beginning of February, about 1 1/2 months after "The Film School's" application deadline. Towards the end of February, a small percentage of the initial applicants are examined further with an invitation to an in-person interview with some of the film school's faculty. In the end, only 6% of the applicants are accepted.

fun fact:
The school was funded and created by Florida's legistlature "to prepare men and women for successful careers in the film and television industries". The percentage of jobs acquired out of college is in the high 90%.

notable alumni:
The Film School alumni include screenwriters Ron Friedman (Brother Bear) and Melissa Carter (Little Black Book).

- Small number of students
- Only film school to pay for all production costs
- Solid faculty
- High percentage of students acquiring jobs after college

- Location, location, location (Tallahassee is so damn boring)

status: ACCEPTANCE PENDING (film program has given the green light, however the actual school needs to clear my transcript and SAT scores)

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Fox News version of the "Daily Show"

The competition is fierce ladies and gentlemen. John Stewart better hold on to his hat.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Sunday, February 25, 2007